ben griffiths
an insight into the mind of a genius

Archive for March, 2003

all revved up and know where to go

Friday, March 7th, 2003

dunno why i am writing in here really, just seems like so long since i last said anything, i sit at a computer all day doing absolutely nothing :)
should this entry be private or public? i really don’t know, but it seems perhaps i should speak out loud so at least everyone knows what i’m going on about.

i’ve seen a load of backstabbing and two facedness over the last few weeks, and (combined with my own stupidity) really do wonder whether we are such a great species after all..

i mean, who should ever hurt the one they love:?: and why should people be nice to someone simply because there is no one else there?

i’ve become really screwed up over these last few weeks, people say i should get over it, after all it is gowry who is hurt, and perhaps fair play, but you can’t just kill emotions, how ever hard you try.

gowry is everything to me, and as hard as i try (not that i want to mind) i can’t get rid of my feelings for her. i guess she really is in the middle, but it just seems weird that the people with the strongest opinions don’t seem to practise what they preach…. double standards or what?!?

i’ll continue to try my hardest with gow, do all the things i need to, becuase i do love her to death and am not just going to give in.

i’m not out to hurt her, or do anything stupid again, i really dont want to (not that i ever did, hmm, i see… :(), when things (thoughts, feelings, whatever) fall into place, the world view changes. my world is completely upside down, but at least i can see clearly.

a lot of people seem to have a lot of anger, but really, it’s not helping to let it all out … if things happen things will happen.. no amount of pressure or persuasion will change that (that includes me, i know :o)

so what to do, things are odd, confusing and hurtful, however, there are a few simple things i know in my head (even if you lot don’t… :P)

people make mistakes, some more than others, but its the lesson you learn at the end that is important, i’ve made some big mistakes, and maybe it is too late, but in my head i know exactly how i feel and am willing to try and put everything right.

no excuses, no ‘but i…’, just regret. lots of it, for many things….

anyhows, my eyes hurt now, and i’ve still got some invesitigating to do, many many logs to read through, what joy….

signing out…